Thursday, May 6, 2010

Congratulations, It's a Lesbian!

I guess the title pretty much says it all. 

I just got home from a two-and-a-half-hour-heart-to-heart-drive-and-talk with Danae, in which we have arrived at these facts and ideas:
  1. Yes, she is gay, even though she hates that label.
  2. The word "butch" is no longer socially acceptable....  it's either stud, fem or stem. I asked where she fell in that, and she smiled and said, "Oh, I'm definitely a fem." (Does anyone else see the irony in that?)
  3. She was scared to tell us--trust issues, acceptance, going-to-hell speeches, dating issues, etc. Basically-- "Oh my GodAllahBuddha, what will happen now?" fears.
  4. For hubby and me, her sexuality is a non-issue.  It's all about appropriateness, no matter whose team she bats for. 
  5. It is not appropriate to share a locked bedroom with your sweetie. 
  6. This will require a new level of honesty for her, with us as her parents.  Is this new person a friend, or a "friend?" She agreed that it would be difficult, but she understood, and agreed to try. 
  7. Sex for people who have been sexually abused is a much bigger deal than it is for people who haven't. 
  8. Given that she is navigating both issues, our biggest concern isn't that she's gay, or possibly becoming sexually active, it's that she navigates those issues with a clear head and someone she can depend on to talk to about her fears and feelings. 
  9. The idea of flashbacks scares her. A lot.  It scares me too.  I don't want her to be in the middle of one of the many intense firsts that comes with burgeoning sexuality and have a flashback. 
So, the mayhem of my Sunday slip 'o the tongue has been resolved, at least as much as it can be--  navigating teen sxuality is like hiring a tap dancer to check a minefield.  Completely dangerous, probably a little stupid, but someone has to do it.  We just have to do it a little differently now-- which is fine by us. 

I think other people must be totally and completely bored with their lives. Trust me, we're not! 



  1. I bet it feels a lot better having everything out in the open, even if it means you are asking a tap dancer to check a minefield.

  2. It really does... there is a noticable difference in Danae since Thursday. She seems more at ease, less tense, and just more comfortable.

    It's very nice.

    I'm pretty sure there are more sex conversations coming... and Im pretty sure we'll be okay.

    Thanks, Abba, for the help!!

  3. congratulations?! please tell me how you bridged the subject of sex and flashbacks. that's one mine are in denial about but scares me FOR them.


If you are an adoptive parent or have one in your family somewhere, talk to me. I could use some insanity that does NOT call me mom!!