I just got home from a two-and-a-half-hour-heart-to-heart-drive-and-talk with Danae, in which we have arrived at these facts and ideas:
- Yes, she is gay, even though she hates that label.
- The word "butch" is no longer socially acceptable.... it's either stud, fem or stem. I asked where she fell in that, and she smiled and said, "Oh, I'm definitely a fem." (Does anyone else see the irony in that?)
- She was scared to tell us--trust issues, acceptance, going-to-hell speeches, dating issues, etc. Basically-- "Oh my GodAllahBuddha, what will happen now?" fears.
- For hubby and me, her sexuality is a non-issue. It's all about appropriateness, no matter whose team she bats for.
- It is not appropriate to share a locked bedroom with your sweetie.
- This will require a new level of honesty for her, with us as her parents. Is this new person a friend, or a "friend?" She agreed that it would be difficult, but she understood, and agreed to try.
- Sex for people who have been sexually abused is a much bigger deal than it is for people who haven't.
- Given that she is navigating both issues, our biggest concern isn't that she's gay, or possibly becoming sexually active, it's that she navigates those issues with a clear head and someone she can depend on to talk to about her fears and feelings.
- The idea of flashbacks scares her. A lot. It scares me too. I don't want her to be in the middle of one of the many intense firsts that comes with burgeoning sexuality and have a flashback.
I think other people must be totally and completely bored with their lives. Trust me, we're not!