Thursday, June 10, 2010

A New First. Not a Good One.

I've never smoked pot. Neither has my husband. Yeah, we're kind of square. In fact, the extent of my law-breaking is limited to speeding tickets. I'm actually so scared of getting in trouble that the time I accidentally stole a pack of batteries in WalMart, I took them back inside to pay for them. I'm all about the law-abiding. Except for speed limits. Those I break. And often. So when Leigh came home from her first taste of freedom in a long time (yesterday at 8:10 PM. she was out for exactly 1:40 minutes, completely BAKED out of her mind, I was at a loss. I called, in this order: Hubby, at work. Probation Officer. Two of my friends. The Hospital, about drug tests. PO again. The police. Hubby was where I was emotionally: Done. The PO did not answer her phone. However the last time we had problems with Leigh (a bit of crazy aggressive violent type threats), PO told us to call the police to come take her to Juvie Jail. I called the hospital about having her drug tested. Get this: As her mom, I cannot take her to the ER and request a drug test because IT VIOLATES HER PRIVACY and they will not test her unless she's acting up. Hellooooo? She's stoned, of course she's not acting up. She wants to snack and go to bed!! I called the PO again to say I was calling the police. Still no answer or response. I called the police. It must have been a slow night in my town because all five cars on duty showed up at my house. The neighbors all stood in their driveways, watching to see what happened. Because let's face it... we've put on a few interesting shows in the past. Lucky for me (and good for local TV advertisors) it was a quiet call. According to the local police, they cannot simply arrest a juvenile offender, even one who is on probation, without a court order and lots of paperwork. I was not pleased. Then the officer told me that even had my darling Leigh been destroying my house and started attacking the officers that they couldn't arrest her and take her to juvie. At most, they could detain her until she calmed down. Do I need to point out the obvious flaws here, or shall I assume that you are at least a tiny bit righteously indignant on my behalf? So this morning, we took Leigh to the courthouse and met with her PO. PO was not thrilled with Leigh. And the longer we were there, the more Leigh's attitude got under her skin. PO asked if she could keep Leigh for the day. Yes ma'am. We wanted her in jail last night. So at the very least, she should spend a day with you. So we left her. Turns out, Leigh has been lying about some of the events of last night. Not only did they go buy the pot from some random guy someone told them was a dealer (dangerous much?), they smoked, in a car, WITH A BABY IN THE CAR. I don't know who the baby belonged to, but Leigh admitted there was one there. Now, I'm a foster mom of two babies. Two babies who were taken away from their mom because she's a pothead with a lot of other issues. And for Leigh to not only buy and use drugs, but to do so with a baby in the car... Well, I still can't look at her without having to sit on my hands to keep from choking her. And now, it is possible that Leigh will face additional criminal charges for the situation, if they can track down the two girls and the baby's parents. Felony child endangerment, probation violation. I'm not sure what this means for our foster babies, but I can say that I will lose sleep over it tonight. E0ven sadder: Leigh did not know the names of the girls she was getting high with. (And in my parental defense, I dropped her off at a friend's house, under the guise of her eating dinner with her friend, her friend's boyfriend, and her friend's mom. I got played.) And having cried off and on all day, I am so ready for bed. Tomorrow is the last day of school, and my students will be crazed, and I get to come home and deal with my own Crazed. That is, if she doesn't get arrested at school. The PO was really irritated with the lying and was still trying to decide what to do when I picked Leigh up at 4. So here's my question: How does a parent punish a child who cares about nothing? She doesn't really experience pain, plus she's a cutter with a severe abuse history, so spanking or (as the nice police man suggested) "just kicking her ass" is out of the question. She doesn't care about anything she owns, so taking her belongings has no impact. She has no friends, and doesn't get invited anywhere, so grounding isn't an option. I'm at a loss, and my eyes are burning from crying. And I have no idea what to do. I have dealt with crazy, violent, nasty, gross, hateful, loud, smelly, painful, pinching, biting, public masterbation, inappropriate toileting, hairpulling, name calling, throwing things and all out mental illness, but the patently illegal? No way. So now what?


  1. I give you Kudos, and Virtual Hugs! I have never been brave enough to be a foster mom, for the above reasons! You and Your Husband are SAINTS for doing what you do, and I wish the children you watched saw that. I have worked with M.R. Patients, and I have worked with Abused Children, both hard, but neither in my own home, I got to walk away from it to the sanctuary of my home every night!! Good luck! Thanks for stopping by my blog...I will be following yours for sure!!

  2. I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this. It's emotionally and physically exhausting. Honestly? I have never heard of a single thing that works with a kid who will always care less than you do.

  3. is right. It is almost impossible to give consequences to a kid who cares less about things than you do.

  4. What a horribly difficult situation! What if you let her read this post and asked HER what you should do. What would SHE do with a daughter like her? Move?

  5. View... Thanks for your kind, kind words.

    KMom and Abba... Intellectually I know you're right, but I still have such a hard time convincing myself that it is possible that this person I've loved for nine years STILL doesn't care about anything.

    Kat... That's a good idea. I'll have to ponder that...


If you are an adoptive parent or have one in your family somewhere, talk to me. I could use some insanity that does NOT call me mom!!